books

OMFG

 

I was planning to spend the evening reading one of the new books on the subject of the historical biography I plan to write. I was a little worried, because there's always a possibility that I will sit down and read the exact book I want to write. And then I will have no choice but to throw up the project altogether--which is what happened to the very first novel I wrote after I read Of Human Bondage.

This book didn't look very threatening--in fact, it looked self-published (but it wasn't, which is just sad). But you never know: Look in any academic library, and you'll find many really crappy-looking but perfectly respectable print-on-demand books that happen to be on obscure topics. So, I sat down, opened it up, and--

it's a novelization!

WTF? Nowhere on the cover does it say that this is fiction. "Inspired by a true story?" No. "Based on real events?" No. Obviously geared to children? No.

You open it up, and it's nonexistent dialog, handy tertiary characters, imagined drama...sold as nonfiction.

This, this, this crap, this inexcusable! unethical! crap! is why I want to write a book on this subject. We're not talking about George Washington here. There aren't a thousand well-researched, yet entertaining and accessible, books about this person to balance out this fictionalized piece o' shite. There are 1. obscure academic works, and 2. cheap hack jobs like this one. And believe me, this historical person is the most interesting person ever! His life deals with momentous social change! I have yet to explain who he is to someone and have the person respond with anything other than, "Wow! That sounds like a great book! I want to read that!" The editors who rejected it want to read it! And THIS is what's out there--fucking fake fictionalized fairy tales. God help me.

What you can learn from porn

This is a funny video called, "So You Want To Be a Novelist," but I think it's a little naive. I agree that it's great fun to laugh at people who think of writing as a way to make lots of money, but the person who wrote it clearly thinks Quality Literature = Bestselling Status, and it will not shock you to hear that I disagree.

One specific check to the would-be bestselling author's ambitions is that "your characters are as one-dimensional as the ones in a pornographic movie." You know what sells well? Porn. And when has having one-dimensional characters ever hurt sales of non-porn? I have just finished reading Twilight, a monster bestseller that has been roundly criticized for featuring not just one, but two lead characters who lack anything approaching multiple dimensions.

That criticism is certainly valid: Bella is clumsy. Edward is perfect. Bella loves Edward because he is perfect. Edward loves Bella because she is clumsy. This has led to some angry ranting about the book's gender roles, which will presumably result in a generation of women who think that falling down and nearly getting killed all the time is a sure-fire way to meet Mr. Right. But I used to write jacket copy for paperback romances, and 99% of them have this setup. The woman has zero self-esteem, and the guy is perfect: Rich without being spoiled, good-looking without being vain, brave without being cruel, compassionate without being wimpy, and more than willing to perform unreciprocated oral sex on this woman who enthralls him for no discernible reason.

In other words, it's fantasy. It's fantasy the exact same way porn is fantasy: In romance novels, conventionally-attractive men delight in giving homely women exactly what they want; in porn (at least straight porn), conventionally-attractive women delight in doing the same to equally homely men. The idea is that you, Joe or Jane Average, can appeal to a real winner despite (and this is key) not putting forth effort. You don't have to work at anything--you don't have to tend to your looks, you don't have to be likeable, you don't even have to work up the nerve to ask the person out. You don't have to be Angelina Jolie or George Clooney. You just deliver the pizza or show up to school, and Sexy Perfection Fabulousa will throw him or herself at you. You won't be able to keep him or her away!

There are other fantasies, but most monster bestsellers that I've read hit the wish-fulfillment buttons pretty damned hard. (Some of the funniest bits in How I Became a Famous Novelist are when he's cynically trying to figure out how to hit those buttons.) In most cases, the result is a book that's predictable and forgettable (and maybe a little pathetic).

But not always. The whole Fair Unknown motif, where a seeming Joe Average nobody turns out to be both of noble birth and awesome, has had an entirely respectable and popular run in literature, most recently with the Harry Potter books. Other children's books like the Chronicles of Narnia or From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler are big on fantasies of autonomy: The kids are separated from their parents, but they survive without any problem and wind up doing totally awesome stuff. Right now, I'm reading Dorothy Sayer's Lord Peter Wimsey books: While what hooked me in Whose Body? was the unexpected departure from the fabulously-wealthy-playboy fantasy, the fact remains that Wimsey thinks nothing of dropping a gazillion dollars on antique books and fine sherry, or running off to Venice on a whim, and that has a certain lifestyle-porn appeal.

So it's possible to have your cake and eat it, too. But don't ignore the mass appeal of porn--we have an Internet today because of it.

ETA: There is, by the way, an economic argument for writing good-quality literature: If it's good, people will continue to buy it, and if it's really good, it will wind up in course curricula, and you will have a captive group of students who are literally required to buy your book every year whether or not they want to, without you spending a dime on marketing. But that's different from producing some big bestseller, and it's a market with its own restrictions (such as a bias toward Serious Literature).

More on rejection letters

I bucked up last night and finished Publish This Book! which got a little better, mainly because the guy stopped trying to impress me with how much he drinks and how often he's gotten laid and did you know he occasionally takes drugs? He does! Because he is just that cool and not at all an exact clone of every other insecure 20-something out there, ever.

Anyway, the interesting bit for the purposes of this blog is that he includes his rejection letters for the book in the book. Recently I got my hair cut, and my hairdresser and I were discussing this whole decision to forgo traditional publishing, and she asked a question I often asked myself when I first started getting The Letters: When they say the book is good, entertaining, and enjoyable, are they just bullshitting me?

I don't know how true this is, but I've heard that when actors audition for parts in Hollywood the rule is: If they tell you that you're great, it means you're not getting cast. If they're really super-nice to you, it means you sucked. The more they lay on the praise, the worse you did. (Noncommittal hms are much more likely to lead to callbacks.)

Of course, New York City is culturally very unlike Hollywood--people rarely try to spare your feelings there, especially if they feel that doing so is not going to benefit you in the long run. So there was that general argument against that analogy, and that Very Honest Agent didn't seem to think the positive feedback was bullshit at all. The rejection letters in Publish This Book! offer further confirmation for that perspective. The letters offer very specific reasons for not taking up the book: The editors think the concept is thin (having read the finished product, I would agree), that it's not enough to support an entire book (even the author would agree with that one), and that it won't appeal to an audience other than frustrated writers. They don't praise the book, although there is some interest in other projects by the writer.

So I think it's pretty clear that rejection letters do tend to say what the person writing them thinks. They may be very frustrating, as they were in my case, and they may be couched in terms that require a native to translate, but they are, at the core, honest.

Back in the saddle

I was able to get back to work on the Trang layout today. I've been poking along at a rate of about three chapters a day, but today I managed to get five done (mainly by having fewer interruptions). That means 11 of 19 chapters are down, which gives me hope that this will be ready to be uploaded by the end of the weekend, despite some other busyness scheduled for later this week.

I spent the last two days at jury duty, which is a totally pointless activity if you have ever done any writing on law-enforcement issues, because they will never, ever seat you. I used the time to read about half of Publish This Book! which is a memoir about a guy trying to get that very book published. If you think that is incredibly clever, the author will heartily agree with you; if you think that sounds pretty weak, the author will pretend to agree with you as a means of deflecting criticism. Let's just say that I'm putting it aside for a while to read some sci-fi that I might include on my Listmania! list. (Really, honestly, and for true, if you are 24 years old, you have no business writing a memoir. It's not that you aren't a good writer--you can write about your childhood in quite an affecting manner--it's because you don't really have a strong sense of identity yet, and everything about your current life comes across as "LOVE ME! I'M COOL!")

A much stronger book in the PUBLISHING--AGGGHH!! genre (which, if current trends continue, may soon be the only genre produced by large, commercial houses) is the novel How I Became a Famous Novelist. It is genuinely hysterical. If looking for a publisher is driving you crazy or bumming you out, and you need to figure out a way to laugh at your situation, that's a good one to read.